oHIo

I recently returned from a week-long trip to Ohio with my Mother. The purpose of the trip was to attend my Aunt Jean’s funeral. Jean was my Mother’s sister. She died of cancer on my Mom’s birthday.

Ohio in January is not a pretty place, if I may be honest about it. We flew into Columbus and stayed in Fariborn, which is a suburb of Dayton and right next to Beavercreek. Beavercreek is where my Aunt Kelly and Uncle Gary live. My Aunt Sally lives in Kettering, which is also right in the same area. And my Cousin Mandy also lives in Dayton with her husband Eric. My Aunt Jean and Uncle Carl lived in Columbus. Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary Kay came to town with their kids and Uncle Mickey came with my Cousins Matt and Harmony and her husband Brian.

When we arrived, we learned that my Mom’s Aunt Mary, who also lived in that area was found dead, I assumed of natural causes. Her funeral happened while we were there, but we were unable to attend for a very good reason, that I will get to in a minute.

Seeing all the family was a bit overwhelming at first, but as the days went on, it was very comfortable with everyone and I was very happy to see them all. Jean’s viewing was first. We all got up early and drove to the funeral home in Columbus. There, we all gathered and saw the really beautiful work of the embalmer. Everyone agreed, Jean looked great. There was crying and there was consoling. There were reunions and there was laughter.

Everyone says they wish they could see so many of the people they see at funerals, “under better circumstances.” The truth is, most people (especially those with 3000 miles of country between them) just can’t spare the time and money required to get together with family… except at wedding and funerals. Even then, more people will go to a funeral than will go to a wedding a lot of times.

So, we left Jean for the night and headed back to Dayton. We gathered, as many Ohioans and other Mid-Westerners do, in a garage. We smoked cigarettes, we drank a few beers and we had some laughs. We slept, briefly, and then returned to Columbus for the funeral. We gathered at Jean’s side again and then carried her to her transportation. We followed, in procession, to the church and carried her inside. This was my first experience as a Pallbearer. I found it helped me to better understand and come to terms with death in a way I haven’t noticed before.

I haven’t been too comfortable with death since my Father’s death in 1994. Funerals and wakes haven’t really been my thing. I had only been to 2 funerals for someone in my family. Both were fathers, mine and my Mother’s. I attribute my new acceptance and understanding of death and the practices that follow to my girlfriend, Veronica. She is a Funeral Director and through loving her and learning about her work, I have become extremely interested and fascinated with how humans deal with the loss of a loved one.

There was Mass at the church, with lots of kind words spoken about Jean. Most notably, an amanzing verse read by my Mom, that was most appropriate and entirely fitting for the situation. Many people were asking her about it afterwards. However, in a cruel twist of luck, my Mom found herself injured after the Mass.

Here’s the reason we werent’ able to attend my Great Aunt Mary’s funeral. We were on our way out of the parking lot behind the church when my Mom either slipped on a patch of oil, or her heel was worn in a spot and she slid on it. In any case, I was walking about a foot ahead and to the right of her, when she fell. By the time I saw her, she was already on the asphault. She slipped and turned to the left, landing on her right elbow, right knee, left wrist and finally her right brow. The most painful for her at first, was her face. She landed on it hard and fast.

I rushed her to a CVS and got a first aid kid and ice packs, to reduce the swelling on her face and patch up her knee. We still had a burial to attend! We hopped back on the highway and headed to the cemetary in Springfield where Jean was to be buried. We arrived just in time and I resumed my pallbearing duties of carrying Jean to her final resting place. Again, a really great experience for me for which I am thankful I was chosen.

Mom needed a little help out to graveside, as her ankle was definately sprained. A priest said some more prayers and thanked everyone for attending. An arrangement of flowers was at the viewing and was also brought to the grave. It was a boquet of blue and white roses with a sash that read “Aunt” across it. The blue roses were for the nephews and the white for the neices. Each of us took our roses and laid themon the casket. I, of course, laid 2 for Kevin and myself.

With the funeral over, the rest of the trip felt much different. A lot of the family, all of which who drove to the occasion, left town. For the remaining days, we ate around town, we spent more time in the garage and we watched some bad tv. Mom and I went on a driving trip around Dayton where she showed me the University and a fantastic old cemetary right next to it. I also saw a number of her old dwellings, including the crap-shack across from the cemetary that she and my Father lived in when he was attending UD.

Of course, what trip to Ohio wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of frozen water falling from the sky? As if the 40 degree temps weren’t bad enough, it had to drop to 25 and start snowing! We made the best of it, only having to endure 2 days of it. The last time I was in snow was in Big Bear, when it unexpectedly dumped 3 feet on us overnight. I wasn’t worred, though, as Dayton rarely gets more than a few inches of snow.

I ended up going to a gun show with Gary, Eric and Gary and Kelly’s son Jaden. This was a really neat experience. I’ve never seen so many guns in one place before. And so many people carrying and wearing guns! It was quite the sight. It did peak my interest in gun ownsership and use. There are a lot of firing ranges in my area and, of course, the best firing range is the desert. And I know I have friends that wanna go shooting!

We said our goodbyes to family and headed back to Columbus one more time. This time, in the early morning on snowy and icy highways with occasional snowfall and freezing water on the widshield. The drving wasn’t too difficult and we made it to the airport much earlier than expected. We flew out with the knowledge that when we landed in Burbank, it would be warm and sunny with no chance of snow! As we left Columbus, it was nearing 20 degrees. In California, it was in the 70’s.

I am glad that I went back with my Mom on this trip. After moving out, I don’t see her nearly as much as I used to. So, spending all that time with her, especially under those circumstances was really good for us in a lot of ways. Also, I am glad that I saw cousins I rarely see. I was glad to have time to get to know them and chat with them. I may have even comvinced Matt to come to Burning Man this year!

So, while a death is a hard reality, it also bring people together and generates a lot of happy memories. I just hope it’s a long time before I have such an opportunity again.

Pictures here